X: Insurance hilarity/Forsikringsleven

It is Friday, weekend and time for a bit of insurance claim humor. Below are 20 selected highlights from a list of quotes from actual traffic incidents, snitched from the net.

1) Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.
2) The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind.
3) I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
4) Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
5) I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
6) Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.
7) The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again
8) I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
9) A pedestrian hit me and went under my car
10) In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
11) I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
12) An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
13) Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
14) I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
15) I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
16) I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
17) The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
18) When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
19) The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
20) The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week."

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Litt fredagshygge. Her er 15 utvalgte utrolige skademelinger fra den norske trafikkvirkeligheten. DinSide har et lengre utvalg av listen for verserer på nettet. Den engelske oversikten overfor er helt andre hendelser.

1) "Hunden var sort og lite synlig i mørket. Etter sammenstøtet oppførte den seg litt merkelig, men hundens eier opplyste senere at den aldri hadde vært helt god."
2) "Plutselig grep brøytekanten tak i forhjulet mitt og dro bilen rundt så den traff en stolpe."
3) "Jeg kom kjørende mot nevnte kryss, senket farten, så meg godt om, kjørte så ut i krysset - og traff hr. Pettersen. Dette er for meg en helt vanlig prosedyre."
4) "For et valg! Skulle jeg treffe bil B eller bil C? Jeg traff begge!"
5) "Jeg er ikke ute etter å forskyve skyld eller fraskrive meg ansvar, men kan bare konstatere fakta, og det ser svært dårlig ut for min del."
6) "Det var akkurat ikke plass til to biler i bredden. Oppdaget vi."
7) "Jeg vil si at jeg har 50 % skyld og motparten 75 %."
8) "Det hele var min skyld, men fører B sa at det var OK og at jeg bare skulle glemme skadene på hans bil. Det skulle han få fikset selv, sa han. Det viktigste for ham var at kona aldri fikk vite at han hadde vært akkurat der akkurat da."
9) "Det går ikke an å påstå at jeg holdt for stor fart. Bilen ble dyttet av min 72 år gamle søster."
10) "Vi kolliderte bare litt."
11) "Jeg vil gjerne gjøre oppmerksom på at vanligvis kjører jeg alltid veldig forsiktig i den svingen."
12) "Jeg kjørte aldeles ikke for fort. Jeg hadde jo to koldtbord bak i bilen!"
13) "Jeg fullførte svingen etter at veien hadde rettet seg ut."
14) "Ulykken kunne vært unngått hvis begge hadde klart å stoppe."
15) "Beklager håndskriften, men det at jeg skriver som en gris betyr ikke at jeg kjører som en."